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Ramblio

  • Doug Lee

    Being alone can definitely be an interesting thing after a while. I've physically seen very few people in the past seven years. It seems to affect me a whole lot less than it would affect most people. But if I'm not mistaken, my time of being again physically visible is coming very soon. Time will tell.

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  • Sufe

    I hope you get better. ☮️ https://www.psychologytoday.com/country-selector?domain=www&cc=US&cl=en

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  • Rachel B

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  • Kyle Smith

    Replying to  @jawsgirl87: Audio

    This really has nothing to do with my ex wife. I've healed from that years ago. But I just left a really bad situation in Ohio and had to leave the life i had there and come back to Kentucky. IT's just been a hard 5 or so years. I got divorced and left Saint Louis. I then went to Oregon for someone who I thought was my forever and that ended badly. I then dropped out of college and sold everything I owned for a girl in Ohio who didn't truely love me and I just feel broken now. Being in kentucky is really hard. I don't have anyone to give love or anything to. I don't have many local friends other than guys I play in bands with. I spend all of my day working on the farm and recording drums when I can. I am in so much physical and mental pain right now and just feel like I am breaking into many parts that I can't put back together. I am in therapy and it helps sometimes but not others. I've been sober for just over a year and honestly I almost threw all of that away today for some fentynal. But I didn't. I overcame the urge and just went and sat in the grass outside alone and cried for an hour until I had to pull my stuf back together and get back to work. I'm just, tired. So beyond tired. I've gone through so much over the last 11 years and just want it all to stop. I want someone to notice me. Notice me not for just my drum playing or my mud coding. I want to be noticed for a person who has so much to give if the right person would just see it.

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  • DevilishAnthony

    Just being isolated way out in the country is bad enough. Then investing so much into relationships that ended up going wrong really does take its toll after a while. I'm really happy that you stayed clean. I hope things get better for you.

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  • Kyle Smith

    I spend so much of my time working on the farm or recording drums just to keep my mind off of everything that's always spinning around in it but I can't do much more without a break. I'm in so much pain these days and I think that's what is making me want to find the substances I need to stay away from. I just want to be numbed to it all. My grandparrents fight and bitch all the time and drag me into the middle of it but I have no choice but to deal with it. I live on the property with them to help take care of them and their farm. I honestly expect one of them to go soon if not both. They both have major COPD and are not taking care of themselves at all. NOt only that but my grandpa is nothing but a horrible human who claims to be a preacher and this jesus loving man but then turns around and says some of the most hateful stuff about people he doesn't like or who don't fit into his perfect image of what someone should be. I am not allowed to have gay friends, trans friends or anything like that visit me as long as I live here. He makes comments about younger girls that make me want to gag. HE's also started telling people the shit I've been put through over the last 10 years and even told someone I don't know that quote, "He's been through some shit and isn't allowed to have a girlfriend right now but, he may get horney sometimes and we'll have to fix that." That makes me feel so small and invalid and I just can't take it.

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  • DevilishAnthony

    Replying to  @ky0les: I spend so much of my time working on the farm or recording drums just to keep m

    Wow! That's some crappy behavior right there. It's made worse by the fact that you can't just walk away from it and no one else is around to witness it, which would just add to your sense of aloneness and hopelessness. I really do get it.

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  • Rachel B

    Wow, having grandparents behaving like that would definitely not be helping at all. I'm sorry. I really do hope and pray things get better for you very soon.

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